I was talking to a friend about how she should intentionally mess up her laundry for fun since it would make laundry much more interesting. She then asked me who would buy the new clothes that would eventually result from this temporary amount of fun. I told her the Clothing Fairy would come by and replace all of her messed up clothes with new clothes in the latest fashion.
Naturally, I started to think, "What if there was a magical fairy that could cure all of the world's problems?" Could you just think of all the possibilities that could exist with the various magical fairies that would have to exist for this to work? Here are some examples:
The Annoying Neighbor Fairy: Having trouble with your neighbor? Are they playing absurdly loud music until 4:00 AM only to change the type of music from techno to acid rock? Well worry no more, my friends because the Annoying Neighbor Fairy will wait until that neighbor falls asleep (or passes out) and "relocate" your neighbor to a house far, far away.
The Bad Driver Fairy: Someone cut you off? Someone driving down the wrong side of the road or through construction zones to get by that tiny bit of traffic? Someone just completely disregarding human life while cruising down your residential street at 120 MPH? Fear not for the Bad Driver Fairy will revoke said driver's license and impound their car in their mystical impound in the sky. There's no phone number to get it back!
The Economic Crisis Fairy: Stock market declining? Economic indicators showing your country is going down the toilet? Investment brokers needing more Prozac than usual? Help is on the way! The Economic Crisis Fairy will stimulate your economy with a wave of their magical wand, infusing the market with magical cash and restoring consumer confidence in your economy. Within moments, your everyday citizens will be eager to go out and buy that useless crap you've been putting on shelves!
The Health Care Fairy: Sick as a dog but don't have insurance? Can't get yourself fake citizenship in a country like France or Canada so you can take advantage of their free health care? No need to cross the border any more! The Health Care Fairy uses their extensive knowledge of American Medical Bureaucratic Systems to cut through the red tape as well as "softening" the hearts of those medical board directors to give you your procedure for free. So when you need that quadruple bypass surgery, you know you're covered.
The Hangover Fairy: Had too much to drink last night? Spending your morning bent over the toilet? Does the sound of a pin dropping make your head throb? Forget about it! The Hangover Fairy is here to make sure that your nights of liver abuse have no affect on your ability to get through the next day! No more vomiting, no more headaches, and no more unpleasant aftertaste! Get your drink on without the annoying consequences of tomorrow!
That's just a few. There's more I can think of, but not at the current moment. I might add to this eventually.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I've been reading quite a bit about this "slow down due to Consumer confidence" Life Ionizers had the Internet Sales today ever; Consumer confidence in my experience and according to history is really a change in consumer interest. History shows us that in Low Market periods (including the great depression) spending rose in many areas (entertainment, health, advertising etc). So the Apple drop, the Google drop and the Amazon drop are all fleeting figments of panic, and just like a few weeks ago, Google, Apple and Amazon will all climb back to their original positions.
So while this panic is going on, I'm going to drink some alkaline water, download some music to my iPhone and go see a movie, just like most of America is doing tonight.
Post a Comment