A treatise on why college students don't vote

Upon writing my new status message [on FaceBook] and going to the restroom immediately afterward, I had an epiphany. I finally learned the reason why many college students don't vote. My answer: HOMEWORK.

That's right. I said it. The reason why college students don't vote is because they are swamped with homework. Come election time, college students usually have this mindset, "Man, there's a midterm coming up this week and due to all of the homework I've had, I haven't even had the chance to read any of the material that I'm supposed to read for it. Let alone the material I was supposed to be reading in the first place for the class. How am I supposed to read the information on all those NEW PROPOSITIONS that the governor and random people keep asking me to pass? How am I even supposed to know who to vote for for President when I don't even know what's the co secant of the tangent of 3? Plus I think the election is some sort of an exam... What if I fail? What if I bubble in the wrong person? Well, since they say the test is voluntary, I might as well just study what I know, advanced physics and United States History from the years 1893-1894."

When the youth finally got Congress to pass the amendment allowing persons age 18 and older to vote, Congress immediately passed the "Never-ending Homework Bill," which, by law, requires that all college-level professors to hand out never-ending amounts of homework assignments, requiring them to add on items as the assignment due date approaches, and double the necessary reading requirements for each class period. There are some professors who follow this law wholeheartedly (such as my accounting professor) and others who rebel and think the idea of homework is, in technical, professory terms, "stupid." The aim of the bill was to keep college students so wrapped up in their school lives that when it came time to vote, their stress level would already be too high and the thought of voting would send them into shock. This would prevent any college student from voting until they got out of college, got a job, and actually started paying taxes (not to mention campaign contributions).

Did you ever notice that whenever you talk to your parents about their homeworkload during college, or even your grandparents' homeworkload during college they'll always say, "I never had THAT much homework when I was in school..." Of course not, they couldn't vote. That's why Congress didn't care that professors didn't assign huge homework assignments that took people forever to finish. Perhaps I'm writing this because I had an epiphany or perhaps I'm just writing this because I don't want to do my endless supply of homework, but mainly I'm writing it because I'm feeling creative today, too creative to do homework.